DELAYED WARNING

Many of you know about my struggles with quitting the cigs. For awhile I was blogging about Chantix, the drug I was taking to help me quit. While I was "writing on Chantix," I would get lots of emails from people basically asking "dude, are you okay?" If interested, you can read a few examples of my chantix blogs here and here.

So I guess I was writing kinda crazy, basically b/c I was feeling kinda crazy. It wasn't the same feelings I get from not smoking. I have tried to quit many times and I know how I get and how I feel when I am not smoking. When I was taking Chantix, it was different. The first 2 weeks were good, then my mind starting going places it wasn't welcome and my attitude was awful. I was a biatch to the fullest and I literally felt like I was losing my mind.

I stoppped taking Chantix a few months ago and I feel back to normal. The only problem is I haven't quit smoking 100%, but I do smoke a lot less than I used to. My mother-in-law gave me some natural nicotine relief pills and drops that I am going to begin using.

With all this being said, I wasn't surprised to see this article in the paper yesterday:


FDA links Chantix to psychiatric problems

Washington- Government regulators on Friday said the connection between Pfizer's anti-smoking drug Chantix and serious psychiatric problems is "increasingly likely."
The Food and Drug Administration said it has received 37 reports of suicides and more than 400 of suicidal behavior in connection with the drug. In November, the agency began investigating reports of depression, agitation and suicidal behavior among patients taking the popular twice-daily pill.
The agency's announcement comes two weeks after Pfizer added stronger warnings to the drug. The company stressed that a direct link between Chantix and the reported psychiatric problems has not been established, but could not be ruled out.
Pfizer suggested that since nicotine withdrawal alone can cause mood swings and agitation, it may be impossible to determine if Chantix aggravates those behaviors.
But the FDA said it found evidence of Chantix patients who experienced psychiatric problems even though they were still smoking.

BEACH BABIES

Grace, Denny, Monkey and Pooh Bear spent last saturday night and sunday afternoon with Gama Deb and Papa Joe. They love staying over there. They are spoiled rotten and filled with lots of x-tra special grandparent love. Here's a couple of pictures from their last visit.

Although this week has been a busy one, it still has gone by super slow. I have realized that although I am not spending my money on cigarettes, I am still spending. A lot. But at least I'll be alive to enjoy what I've been buying. It's not all for me, I'm not a selfish spender. I have gotten myself a lot of stuff. But today I bought this for Grace while we were at the Disney store. That's who she wants to be for Halloween. I have never spent more than $20 on the kids Halloween costumes; today I have tripled that amount, and I didn't even buy the shoes and crown.

I could look into this and dig deep into my mind about why I am spending so much. Maybe I feel bad b/c I have had a "short" temper with G&D lately. Maybe I do have extra cash since I'm not spending $40 a week on smokes. Or maybe I am a bit bored. I mean 20 cigs a day, although quite enjoyable, isn't always easy. It's a time consuming task and now that I have this extra time, I shop. We can't go to the park and pool every day.

So now I get rid of my nicotine addiction and take on a new one in shopping. The hubs won't be upset with my new spending problem though as I spent over $100 at Victoria Secrets today. I'm no dummy.

LITTLE OF THIS, LITTLE OF THAT

random morning shot of D

Bob started his new job on Monday. Can't say much about it, as the first day is always filled with paperwork and other nonsense.
The kids and I spent the morning at Pump it up . If unfamiliar, Pump it up is an indoor playground filled with huge blow up jumpy things and enormous slides and rock climbing walls. Very cool, especially because the parents are allowed to play too. We had a blast. Then the kids and I went to lunch and did some shopping. It was a busy day except for the 2 hour afternoon nap break (which only Denny partook in.)
This morning was breakfast with Tracy and Mia. I'm trying to stay busy as can be so I think about cigarettes less. I need to get back to the gym. I plan on starting that routine again this week some time. It's been 8 weeks and 8 lbs since I've worked out and it shows. I know how much better my cardio will be with clear lungs.
This weekend is a double b/day weekend. Judie and Carie both turn thirty-one-derful and I hope to get out to celebrate with them.

ALCOHOL

Chantix day 16
Oh, what is it with drinking and smoking. They go hand in hand. I got over the coffee and smoking thing, I got over the driving and smoking thing. I have the hardest time with drinking and smoking. It is nearly impossible. I can't do it. Some nights after the kids go to bed, I want to have a couple of beers with Bob and relax in the glory of silence. Now, what am I to do

So I screwed up and had a ciggy. I had a few brewskies in me and lit up. I'm an idiot. But all is not lost. I am getting right back on track, I am not giving up or giving in. I am still dedicated to quitting and continuing with Chantix.
I sit here writing this and feel like I cheated on someone or something. There have been so many wonderful, encouraging and helpful comments that I've received. I discovered a whole other blog world of people doing the Chantix thing. I read them all religiously, it's almost like an on-line support group. Everyone seems to be kicking butt, and then there's me. I'm sorry I'm so weak, but like I said, I am gonna keep trying. I will do this. Promise.

PARDON THE INTERUPTION

I know the point of this blog (at least when it was started a little over a year ago,) was to share pictures and stories of the kids, and to keep in touch with far away family & friends.

However, now that I am focused on this quit smoking thing, I will be blogging about the journey to becoming a non-smoker. I am sure it is boring to a lot of you, but it is therapeutic to me. I will, of course, continue to blog about the kids and other random-ness also. I promise my next post will be about a different topic and will have pics of G&D.

So, today sucked. 2 days make a difference. Today, I was so tired and sick to my stomach for at least an hour after each pill. I am taking them with food and lots of water, but the nausea is horrible. All I want to do is lay on the bathroom floor with my head in the toilet. Then there is my "attitude" problem. At first I blamed it on not smoking. But I am telling you, this time is different. I am miserable and seriously feel like a crazy person. I keep wondering if it is worth it. I know there will be good days and bad days, but the past 2 days have been BAD days. Then I get myself all worked up, wondering if there have been enough studies on the long term effects of taking Chantix. What if in 10 years all the people who took Chantix become clinically insane? Yes, this is the thoughts that are running through my mind during the day ( I won't even get into the dreams I've been having. )
That's it for today. Like I said, the next post will be filled with good thoughts and happy pictures of the good stuff I got going on over here.

PROFESSIONAL QUITTER

I'm no expert here, it's only been 10 days since I've been on Chantix, 3 days w/o a cig. It absolutely is helping with my cravings, no doubt about it. What it is not helping with is my desire to rip people's faces off. I am one angry bitch when I am not smoking. I get sweaty, shaky and mean to anyone in my path. Luckily, I'm not like this all day, just parts of the day, a few times a day.
For example, I just returned from Target. It was crowded, people were moving too slow for me, and my kids refused to stay in the cart. Before I knew it, I became possessed and was overtaken with serious mom rage. Then other shoppers are staring at the "crazy mom" in the store and I am getting more fired up. Somehow I made it out of there without any physical altercations, but believe me, I was running my mouth.
As I was driving home, I had every intention of stopping at the gas station to pick up a delicious pack of Marlboro Lights. One every now and then won't hurt, and it will help me keep my sanity. I was telling myself it has to be impossible to be at home with a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old all day and not smoke. Nobody does that, right?
Someway, somehow (most likely the $100 I spent on a 4 week supply of Chantix) I made it home without buying any smokes. I immediately gave the kids snacks so they would be quiet for a few minutes, and I stuffed my mouth with 3 pieces of Trident Splash strawberry lime gum.
Now that I am done with that rant (and feeling much better may I add,) let me share some wonderful news. My sis-in-law Becky got engaged last night to Pete. She called me this morning with the news and we could not be any happier! Congrats Pete and Becky, we love you. Now let's start planning this wedding!

TAKING A CHANCE W/ CHANTIX

I know I should not blog about this, b/c every time I do, I fail. But...
I am in the process of quitting the cigs again. What's different about this time is that I am NOT doing it cold turkey. I have tried and failed with that method way too many times. So I am taking these pills called Chantix. They don't contain nicotine like all the other quit smoking things out there. Instead, the pills block your brain receptors that make you crave smokes. I have heard so many good things about Chantix, so I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I am on day 9 (most people are on it for 12 weeks,) but only day 2 of not smoking. The first week while you are on the pills, you continue to smoke. Then on the 8th day you up the dose and go from there. So far, my only complaint is the insanely strong headaches that I have had. They suck and are making me miserable, but it is so going to be worth it.

Please, again, wish me and Bob luck in our journey to the dark side :) WE WILL BE NON-SMOKERS!

~I promise pictures on my next post. I have some goodies to share, just haven't had time to get them up yet.~