Here is a recent phone call between me and a family member. I only wish I could make this stuff up:
FM: Dude, I'm at a tattoo party, do you wanna come by and get some ink?
M: Are you crazy, no!
FM: Dude, you've been saying for a long time now that you want to get something with your kids names.
M: I do. But I don't know exactly what I want yet and I AM NOT going to some weirdo's house to get a tattoo.
FM: Dude, no one here is weird.
M: Yeah, well, you sound f-ed up and that's not my scene.
FM: Listen dude, everyone here is normal like us. We're just sitting around, getting tattoos, and eating salads.